you have to choose: penises or morals?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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