the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
