i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize