I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
