Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
