Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
