A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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