The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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