I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
