The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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