You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
