Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
