my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
