Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
