PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
