Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
