I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
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