Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
