pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
