Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
3 2 1 whiskey
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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