its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
