you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I looked at my own cervix.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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