He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
