Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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