do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize