WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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