Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
