covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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