he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
