I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
cat food counts as protein by the way
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
True college students do jello shots in the library
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
