Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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