dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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