Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Oh god it's open bar.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
