You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
