she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
