nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize