Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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