i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize