But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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