Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
