Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
