I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Randomize
