so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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