the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
