Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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