Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Randomize
