I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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