Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
