It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
