I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
