I faked an abortion last night.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
