I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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