My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
