Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
