apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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