He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
