Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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