Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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