he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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