Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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