He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
