I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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