I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
