She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
