Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
