dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
