party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
