Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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