She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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