Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
This house was built for laser tag.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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