I like to think it a success when the cops are called
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
