My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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